Secure Online Families | Part 7: Sex/Pornography
This is the 7th article in a 9-part series | Keeping our children safe is a high priority for most parents and guardians, and this increasingly includes online security.
Teaching our children about appropriate sexual behaviors & attitudes and not shaming those with addictions are important.
Risks
As many know, pornography and sex-related content can be accessed from pretty much anywhere at anytime. This site aims to discuss some of the potential consequences of a pornography addiction:
Before discussing some of the well-known effects of a porn addiction, here are some things to consider that usually aren’t talked about:
Viewing pornography is not necessarily the same as an addiction
Motives for watching porn extend beyond pleasure to include:
- Learning more about sex (sex education — from parents, school, and/or church — is viewed as inadequate by many youth, and probably is)
- Discovering one’s sexuality
- Having an outlet to abusive relationships
- etc.
Feeling shame (different from guilt) associated with even believing a person’s addicted can have worse effects than the actual effects of a porn addiction
- Guilt inspires positive change — shame drains hope and love
And lastly, many (if not all) porn sites are loaded with malware, which often automatically downloads to and infects your computer.
The rest of the content in this risk section discusses topics in frank, but respectful, terms and may disturb some readers. Discretion is advised.
This video from the BBC does a great job discussing this section’s content.
There are different ranges and types of pornography and porn addiction — it’s not just black and white. For example, seeing porn is vastly different from being addicted. And porn ranges from still images to movies, from nudity to BDSM (bondage, discipline, submission and dominance) and, disgustingly, even to depictions of rape.
There’s also child pornography, which is its own realm and won’t be discussed here. But needless to say, it is wrong, illegal, and is closely tied to increased rates of sexual assault and child molestation.
Here are some of the potential consequences of a pornography addiction:
Skewed perception of what sex and love are/about
- Viewing romantic partners as objects, not people
- Forgetting that sex, while very pleasurable, is ultimately about expressing deep love and commitment
Belief that consent ruins the mood (for both initiating intimacy and subsequent sex acts, like anal sex)
Belief that a person’s body isn’t good enough. For example:
- A woman may believe no man will ever want her because she has a hairy vulva
- A man may think that he’ll never be able to pleasure a woman because his penis is smaller than most
- Conversely, believing they can only be sexually satisfied unless they have sex with the “perfect” body (whatever that means)
- Like other addictions, reduced brain activity in key regions, leading to increased:
- Aggressiveness
- Poor judgment of future consequences
- Inability to respond properly to situations
- Impulsiveness
- Source for this bullet point
Like any addiction, a porn addiction can be overcome.
This site doesn’t cover addiction recovery, but we do discuss tips on helping children avoid an addiction in the solutions section below. If you are addicted and want to recover, look for useful resources in your area. Family and friends are great places to get help too.
Solutions
Teach your children about sex and respecting others in this context
- Talk to them about what’s appropriate, especially asking for consent
- Consider teaching sex in a positive light, rather than a just set of “do nots”
- Psychologists have found that children who are taught about sex by the age of 8:
- View sex as a normal part of life
- Usually feel comfortable asking their parents sex-related questions as they get older
- Setup filters/parental controls:
- Many internet providers provide these as part their services for free (like Xfinity)
- Other software exists. A list of top-rated software from 2018 can be found by clicking here
The Series:
- Part 1: Introduction (Dec 18th)
- Part 2: Cyber Bullying (Dec 18th)
- Part 3: Social Media (Dec 26th)
- Part 4: Anonymity (Jan 2nd)
- Part 5: False Information (Jan 8th)
- Part 6: Violent Media (Jan 15th)
- Part 7: Sex/Pornography (Jan 22nd)
- Part 8: Comprehensive Solutions (Jan 29th)
- Part 9: Conclusion & Additional Resources (Feb 5th)
My Credentials
I work in InfoSec and have published a couple of academic articles while finishing my masters degree.
[This story has been adapted to article format from my site securefamilies.org]
